Someone Call HGTV

When we learned that we were expecting The Bump in March it sort of sent our master plan for the next few years flying. This is an okay thing, just a lot at once.

The car?
Too small for two carseats and a booster.

The house?
Already bursting at the seams and now anticipating another person who requires lots of gear.

We've gone back and forth for a few months, do we sell? Should we add on? Should we just start house hunting? Should we stay here and make it work for another year at least? The housing market is doing some wild and crazy stuff here in Small Town and in another year we could be in an even tighter situation for affording something larger. What to do. What to do?

The car, it's already up for sale but took a three week hiatus from the market while it was repaired after my fender bender. No bites, but there's time for that.

This house, it's got some issues for me aside from logistics. Have you ever had a negative association with something? A name that reminds you of someone you didn't like, a scent that turns your stomach because of where you last smelled it, heartbreak songs that remind you of that high school boyfriend who cheated on you that can still make your heart wilt? After awhile it's silly that these associations continue yet something about them have become part of who you are and they're hard to shake. That's sort of how this house is for me.

We moved here in October. It's a great house, in a great neighborhood, around the corner from a great school. We liked the house a lot when we bought it. It's all the stuff that surrounded the time of its purchase that I can't shake. Aside from other drama, when we moved in I was really struggling with some personal things and it all just sort of ties itself into this house. I feel heavy here. I feel trapped and shrouded. I feel crowded and frustrated. I've had no desire or will to finish unpacking or to decorate. It makes no sense, I know I sound like a brat. It's a nice house, it's a great place to live. We've enjoyed some good times here. I just am not sorry to leave it. At all.

With all that baggage spilled, we've spent most of the last week getting it ready to put on the market. I realized as I cleaned and de-cluttered room by room that my housekeeping has been HORRID. I didn't realize how much I had let some things go in my shrouded-in-dark-cloudsness. Ugh. But it's all tidied, the carpet is clean, it's ready to show strangers at any moment. It's going to take a tremendous effort to keep it this way. Every day. Every. Day. I know people whose homes are like this on a daily basis and I bow to you. I don't know how you do it. With children no less. I must say that I do like the tidiness, the sparkling clean kitchen sink, the perfectly made beds, and the put away toys. Someone call HGTV quick, it won't last for long.

*****

In other news, Vacation Bible School starts this week at our church. Every morning from 9-12am the kids and I will be there. Spicey in the nursery playing, Cool joining the first graders in their activities, and I corraling four-year olds from one area to another. Not too hard, I don't think. I like the age-- old enough to manage themselves in a restroom, young enough to not flip much attitude. They can speak clearly and follow simple instructions without much confusion. I can do four-year olds.

The tricky part will be getting all three of us ready and out of the house by 8:30ish AND leaving the house in condition to be potentially shown while we're gone. Four-year olds? Cake.

*****

I looked down at my feet today and I didn't recognize them. Swollen loaves of bread with Vienna sausages stuck to the ends. Huh? Wha?? It's gonna be a loooong summer.